Easy Glamour

A mission:

Hello Charlotte,

I loved your response to the size 6 PGCE interviewee and therefore feel confident in you ability to help me (if you have the time).

I am 5ft 4 and size 16/18 (34 j boobs but relatively small waist).  I have been invited to an uber glamorous 40th and am dreading going because for me glamour + dress = me feeling like a man in very unconvincing drag.

I did try on a purple halterneck at Coast recently and didn't look completely stupid but it's too rich for my pocket and I'd never wear it again.

Please can you point me in the right direction?  I am blonde with blue eyes and short thick legs attached to size 8 feet.

Many thanks in anticipation,

Selena

Dressing for a glam event can feel like a challenge, but it should be fun, too. Enjoy the element of theatricality involved in wearing richer colours, finer fabrics and an outfit designed to make you look special. Regular readers will know that I don't recommend a lot of black - and I wouldn't normally do so for a blonde... but there's truth in the lore of the Little Black Dress, and this one is particularly flattering for Selena's body.  It's by Monsoon and it's £85 but you would be able to wear it for years - particularly if you wore it with different accent colours each time.  For this summer and your colouring I recommend pale gold or pewter accessories: a chunky bangle, dangly earrings, a simple pendant to echo the neckline and a pair of strappy sandals - wedges to give your legs some shape or flats for comfort, but not heels in a metallic shade with this dress - too middle-aged. The dress would work for Selena because the neckline is perfect to flatter her boobs, and the structured tailoring at the waist will accentuate her waist.  As it's a high waist it will also give the impression of longer legs - as will the shorter length: it's more flattering than a long hemline if you're not tall.  This dress is in the 'New Arrivals' section of the Monsoon website, but is only showing in a limited range of sizes.  Monsoon, however, don't hold a centralised record of stock on their website (which is why they have such great sales) - you'd be well advised to phone a few branches.

I've written before about the often disappointing design output from Bravissimo's clothing range, but this Kingfisher satin dress (£65) is quite beautiful - and remember that blues and greens are the most flattering colours for pale complexions.  Being by Bravissimo it is cut to fit perfectly over the bust (you'd want the 18 'Super Curvy' size), but the tailoring detail is flattering to the rest of the body too.  The waist is defined by the jewelled applique, and that pleating over the tummy is generous and flattering to your lumps and bumps.  Which is not to say you won't want to wear Spanx - not to reduce your size but just for smoothing.  Because of the detailing at the waist it's keep jewellery simple and silver.  Some nude (pale tan) heels or heeled sandals would look best. 

 I know I'm becoming predicable in my love of a dotty frock, but I really think this one shows why.  Patterns go in and out of fashion - currently the newest trend is for tribal prints - but the simpler the pattern, the more longevity it will have.  These spots are fun and by breaking up the expanse of solid colour they are flattering too.  I really think this is a pattern that won't date because it's so simple.  The frock itself is on the expensive side - it's £89 from East - but it's fearsomely flattering to a curvy girl.  The crossover neckline will accommodate larger boobs (you can add a vest or camisole in your chosen colour accent if it gets too boobalicious), and the plating and cut of the skirt will smooth over lumps and bumps while giving the impression of an hourglass silhouette. There is a matching camisole, but I wouldn't - matchy-matchy feels matronly. Instead team this with a close fitting cardigan in a fine knit.  I think a sherbert colour (like a pastel but with more guts) would work beautifully: perhaps sky blue or pink. You can then work that colour through to your shoes and jewellery.

Lastly, although I really do think that shorter legs do better with shorter dresses, I know that people's sensitivity to their body imperfections can be all consuming - so I offer you a maxi dress.  It's £35 by Next, and unlike most maxi dresses it's glamorous enough for a dressy event and you can wear a bra with it.  It's possibly going to need a vest or camisole underneath because of that plunge neckline, so I'd go with black accents including flat black sandals as here.  The empire line silhouette elongates the legs and draws attention to the fabulous boobs.

What you want - 3: Jumper Dresses

Before I begin what will be a list of clothes with prices, pictures and handy links for ease of purchase, I feel a bit bad about advocating spending on inessentials from time to time - and never more so than today, in the aftermath of the Haitian earthquake.  Times are bloody tough, and I don't want to guilt-trip anyone... but if you had been thinking of donating to help the survivors, let me make it easy for you.  Here's a link to the Disasters Emergency Committee's website - if you want to give and haven't got round to it yet, then I don't mind at all if you do that first and then come back and read the blog later.

Okay, so: jumper dresses.  Or as Roxanne put it in an email to me:

Jumper dresses, please! For all shapes/sizes/occasions.

And it's the 'shapes/sizes' bit that worries me, if I'm honest: jumper dresses are unforgiving in all kinds of ways. Take the one above as an example (£28, Dorothy Perkins) It's a chunky knit, so will add bulk, short and tight and so will widen the thigh and cling to the tummy, has a high neck to make your boobs look matronly, short sleeves to accentuate the width of the upper torso and it even has pockets like saddlebags on your already beleaguered thighs.  And yes, this was the worst example I could find, but there were loads to choose from.  This dress would suit someone tall, with great legs and a boyish figure - which isn't many of us. 

So is it all doom and gloom?  Not entirely.  I can see the snuggly appeal, but I have to confess, I'm not convinced by jumper dresses - they're not for me. However, not everyone is quite so short of leg, wide of thigh or big of boob...  They're not for everyone but there is a jumper dress out there for most of you.

In a wearable green (and also cream) is this rather charming empire line frock from Peacocks.  It's £16, and available from size 6-20.  At that price we can't expect great quality, which is a shame because this is a great design. The deep scoop neck is buxomly flattering for all but the largest boobs, and notice how the cable knit pattern (in flattering verticals) is a smaller width over the boobs - giving a minimising look where the dress is tightest.  The looser skirt is flattering over less-that-toned tums, hips, bums and thighs, and would look fine over jeans or trousers if you feel more comfortable covered-up.  (You can, of course wear tighter dresses over trousers, but it's an unfamiliar silhouette and only really looks good with tight-profile trousers.)  In an ideal world I wouldn't have had the pockets, and the sleeve is still a little short, but I like this.

 
Similar in style, but slightly less forgiving (and anyway, only available up to a 16) is this rather stylish frock from French Connection.  It's a little bit retro teaparty, a little bit Parisienne - think cream opaque tights and dolly shoes.  It's delightful colour (versatile and suits just about everyone) and a huge bargain at £45.50 reduced from £90 - if I were a size 16 I'd snap it up.

The next dress will best suit less hourglassy types because of its gorgeous, sophisticated lines.  It's rather 1930s, I think, and the long sleeves and far longer-than-usual skirt length make it perfect for those going for an elegant look with sheer stockings.  I'm less inspired by the grey, but it comes in black and french navy (the site wouldn't let me lift the photos of those colour options) in sizes up to an XL - roughly a 16-18.  It's by Great Plains, who I know nothing about, and it's reduced from £50 to £36.  Monsoon have a similar style (right) in black, for £60 - sizes 14-18 online, though with Monsoon, other sizes may well be instore.

Lastly, one for the more buxom.  Monsoon have a few knitted dresses, of which the one I've mentioned and the one above - while not traditional jumper dresses, are by far the most flattering options.  This dress is my favourite, because of it's hugely flattering wrap neckline, sensible length and full sleeves. It's £55 but sadly only available in the pale grey and in size 'large' online (again, try your local stores - Monsoon's stock control doesn't seem to be centralised).

Shopper's Bush

This is for my London girlies, on the whole.

Today I went to the Westfield shopping centre in Shepherd's Bush. It's absolutely massive, to the point where they've surely rebuilt much of the infrastructure around S'sB, including the tube station. Very pleasant - I went in through House of Fraser which meant that I accessed the rest of the centre through a rarefied enclave of 'high end' designer shops - Dior, Miu Miu, Mulberry... splendid stuff in the manner of a quick stroll through an art gallery. I did step into Jo Malone - a store of sumptuous scents. A small bottle of cologne is around £30, which isn't too unattainable, but then you start thinking that it would be nice to blend a combination of them, in the recommended manner, to create your signature scent... a game which could become very expensive very quickly. I beat a hasty retreat - although if anyone has too much money and really wants to spend it on a grateful blogger, I thought I'd start with red roses; wild fig and cassis; and nectarine blossom and honey.

My next port of call was the MAC store. I looked in vain for MAC concessions in House of Fraser and Debenhams, until I discovered this standalone shop. It's pretty small and was absolutely rammed with shoppers. There was a security guard standing arms outstetched at the front operating a 'one out: one in' policy, which is a new one on me. MAC is all about the pro-longwear lipcolour (bombproof lipstick), and I'm taking a chance on 'Fully Charged' - a bubblegum pink which is paler in tone than I would normally wear. I hope I don't get too attached to it, because a quick rummage on the internet finding the picture above, tells me that it's been discontinued.

Despite the congestion at MAC, the rest of the centre wasn't oppressively busy - which for a Saturday, is surely amazing. I popped into Rigby and Peller to book a fitting, and got an appointment for only half an hour later. I thought I'd go to the world renowned bra experts out of curiosity really - I'm 95% sure that my 34JJ is the right size, but sometimes there's a little overspill. My fitter was lovely, but initially brought me a 36HH to try, which I didn't come close to fitting into. She conceded this, but seemed to think one cupsize would do the trick. You'll have to take my word for it - but I was busting out all over this bra! It was academic anyway - she thought I was a 36J, and Rigby and Peller don't go up to a J cup in underwired bras, although she could offer me a maternity bra or their made-to-measure service. I'm unimpressed. Back to Bravissimo for me, and I'm not sure I recommend Rigby and Peller at all.

Monsoon was as uninspiring as I expected from my season preview, except for this fabulous sixties-style frock. The photos don't really do it justice, so I'll try to explain. The bodice is a heavy cream fabric with sparkly pale gold thread running though it. Cut far too high for anyone boobalicious, the neckline is pure 1965. Then the skirt is this fantastically synthetic tangerine fabric - I used to own a vintage babydoll nightie in this fabric - it's so of its time. Then there are darling little bows at the top and bottom of the zip, also in the tangerine. So gorgeously retro - I see a couple of my mates in this frock (step forward, Alisa and Lesley). £60.

Lastly, I fell in love with the above mac in Marks and Sparks. It's £59 - which is perhaps a little steep for a raincoat, but the design is delightful for hourglass girls. Deep V neck, single breasted - both good things for flattering big boobs, then a full circle skirt to balance you out. It's cinched with a belt - which adds to the effect. A note on belted coats: the thicker the fabric, the less 'waist' you should try to define. Sadly this design stops at a size 18. I got it on, but I clearly needed a size larger, so it stayed in the shop. You can't win them all.

New season!

Although struggling stores may keep reducing out of desperation, we've definitely heard the last holler for the January sales. So I thought I'd have a a look over the coming days and weeks at what we can expect from the high street, and any items that look particularly good for various body shapes.

I'm going to start with Monsoon. I have a love/hate relationship with Monsoon, and I know I'm not alone. On the one hand their designers enjoy colour, but on the other hand they make some odd-looking clothes. I find the fit of their tops to be extremely ungenerous, and there's no denying that their prices simply don't compete with most of the rest of the high street. On the other hand, they give great sale - walking into a branch of Monsoon just after Xmas is like being a kid in the proverbial sweet shop.

The trio of dresses above all feature a rather 'Jackie O' neckline - it's a fresh twist on the fifties prom frock, and much more sophisticated. Only really flattering if you have small boobs, this neckline is dying for a simple short string of pearls and an updo. Very Holly Golightly. The purple dress (£95 - silk satin), is just lovely for a wedding, and will forgive a shorter stature and a pear shaped figure - unlike the black and white number (£95 - silk/cotton mix) which is going to need either height or streamlining to carry it off. The third frock is the same shape as the first, and has a particularly vintage feel to the print. Had I the figure and the money (£65) I'd wear it to work with a neat little cardigan.

There are slimmer pickings for the well endowed. I love the tropical colour riot of the dress with the orange bow (£95), but the wide band of turquoise at the hem doesn't work for me: it looks tacked on, and at any rate, will make legs look shorter and wider. I love the shape of the blue silk dress (£95) and its flattering sleeves, but the insipid blue will do nothing for most skintones (pale redheads excluded). I really like the kimono-inspired dress (a great height for shorter girls) but for £85, I'd want something that looks less like a beach cover-up.

If it seems like I'm focusing on 'occasion wear', it's because I think that's Monsoon's niche. Their trousers are nothing special, and their tops are sometimes lovely, but overpriced. The top above is very similar, in cut and fabric, to a long-sleeved dress I bought for work in the sales. When all's said and done, it's pretty, but it's just a jersey top, and it's £40. What one can justify spending on a frock is, for me at least, far removed from the extravagance I can justify for separates. They do some well-designed knitwear though, and the shrug at the very top of this post is a gorgeous, colourful, practical item - well-cut for hourglass girls - which I might consider spending £50 on if I needed a cover up for a special frock.

A first look at the sales.

Well, I'm still up in coldest, darkest Lincolnshire, so until now I've been only able to observe the sales online, and I have to say I was deeply unimpressed. Perhaps inevitably, after discounting so heavily in the run up to Xmas, stores seem to have left themselves nowhere to go.

Bravissimo may be an exception - they've literally nothing for me, but if you're a different size you may do well. I know my friend Sarah has scored two bras, and if I were a size 16 or smaller I'd certainly have a look at reductions in clothing, as they appear to have some massive discounts, including this wrap dress for only £7.

It's a bit busy - pattern wise, but a perfect price to try out how well cut Bravissimo clothes are, and how flattering a wrap dress will be for anyone with bigger boobs than their tummy. Their plain black version is reduced to £34, too - which regular readers will know is one of my favourite wardrobe staples - and I happily paid £50 for it!

Today, however, I went into Lincoln with my Mother-Out-of-Law and had a look at some of the sales 'in person' so to speak. M&S was a bit of a non event, although I was amused to see many of the Patricia Field (designer for 'Sex and the City') frocks selling for under £30. Not in my size or I may have had a punt. Sadly, the cerise pussy bow blouse/jumper I mentioned a few posts back is a little cheap and nasty looking in the flesh - so that's a no-go (and it wasn't in the sale anyway).

Dorothy Perkins suffers in comparison to its excellent website. The site is so easy to use, and the (truth be told) rather low quality clothes are photographed so well, that it feels like a completely different retailer to the store. I saw a couple of nice corsages, but nothing else caught my eye.

The saviour of the day was Monsoon. Forget their online sale - it's poor. The little shop in Lincoln though, was jammed to the rafters with stock, almost all of which was 50% reduced. Monsoon do colour so well, and this season have had some particularly jewel-bright offerings. I spent a blissful half hour loading frocks over my arm, and then trying them on. Sadly, the three I bought are all so long past season that they are no longer on the website. Suffice to say that along with a brown and white wrap dress for work, I bought a kingfisher blue and black patterned empire line dress in silk and a Schiaparelli pink sleeveless number with a darling bow just below the bust. There are a plethora of weddings on the horizon, you see... Anyway, I'll have to get someone to lend me a camera soon, so that I can show them to you.

What I can tell you, is that there are three black party dresses in the sale with sleeves! Two are still on the website here (with sequins) and here (with silver empire line detail), but in a greater range of sizes instore (I tried on the second one in a size 20, while the website only shows availability up to a size 12). The third was also black, in a burnout/devore finish, but with similar sheer sleeves. I know a party frock with sleeves is something of a holy grail, so grab them while you can!