What you want - 3: Jumper Dresses

Before I begin what will be a list of clothes with prices, pictures and handy links for ease of purchase, I feel a bit bad about advocating spending on inessentials from time to time - and never more so than today, in the aftermath of the Haitian earthquake.  Times are bloody tough, and I don't want to guilt-trip anyone... but if you had been thinking of donating to help the survivors, let me make it easy for you.  Here's a link to the Disasters Emergency Committee's website - if you want to give and haven't got round to it yet, then I don't mind at all if you do that first and then come back and read the blog later.

Okay, so: jumper dresses.  Or as Roxanne put it in an email to me:

Jumper dresses, please! For all shapes/sizes/occasions.

And it's the 'shapes/sizes' bit that worries me, if I'm honest: jumper dresses are unforgiving in all kinds of ways. Take the one above as an example (£28, Dorothy Perkins) It's a chunky knit, so will add bulk, short and tight and so will widen the thigh and cling to the tummy, has a high neck to make your boobs look matronly, short sleeves to accentuate the width of the upper torso and it even has pockets like saddlebags on your already beleaguered thighs.  And yes, this was the worst example I could find, but there were loads to choose from.  This dress would suit someone tall, with great legs and a boyish figure - which isn't many of us. 

So is it all doom and gloom?  Not entirely.  I can see the snuggly appeal, but I have to confess, I'm not convinced by jumper dresses - they're not for me. However, not everyone is quite so short of leg, wide of thigh or big of boob...  They're not for everyone but there is a jumper dress out there for most of you.

In a wearable green (and also cream) is this rather charming empire line frock from Peacocks.  It's £16, and available from size 6-20.  At that price we can't expect great quality, which is a shame because this is a great design. The deep scoop neck is buxomly flattering for all but the largest boobs, and notice how the cable knit pattern (in flattering verticals) is a smaller width over the boobs - giving a minimising look where the dress is tightest.  The looser skirt is flattering over less-that-toned tums, hips, bums and thighs, and would look fine over jeans or trousers if you feel more comfortable covered-up.  (You can, of course wear tighter dresses over trousers, but it's an unfamiliar silhouette and only really looks good with tight-profile trousers.)  In an ideal world I wouldn't have had the pockets, and the sleeve is still a little short, but I like this.

 
Similar in style, but slightly less forgiving (and anyway, only available up to a 16) is this rather stylish frock from French Connection.  It's a little bit retro teaparty, a little bit Parisienne - think cream opaque tights and dolly shoes.  It's delightful colour (versatile and suits just about everyone) and a huge bargain at £45.50 reduced from £90 - if I were a size 16 I'd snap it up.

The next dress will best suit less hourglassy types because of its gorgeous, sophisticated lines.  It's rather 1930s, I think, and the long sleeves and far longer-than-usual skirt length make it perfect for those going for an elegant look with sheer stockings.  I'm less inspired by the grey, but it comes in black and french navy (the site wouldn't let me lift the photos of those colour options) in sizes up to an XL - roughly a 16-18.  It's by Great Plains, who I know nothing about, and it's reduced from £50 to £36.  Monsoon have a similar style (right) in black, for £60 - sizes 14-18 online, though with Monsoon, other sizes may well be instore.

Lastly, one for the more buxom.  Monsoon have a few knitted dresses, of which the one I've mentioned and the one above - while not traditional jumper dresses, are by far the most flattering options.  This dress is my favourite, because of it's hugely flattering wrap neckline, sensible length and full sleeves. It's £55 but sadly only available in the pale grey and in size 'large' online (again, try your local stores - Monsoon's stock control doesn't seem to be centralised).

A couple of quickies.

I've been asked to track down a red, fluffy bakerboy hat. A Bakerboy (aka newsboy) is like a full beret with a wide peak at the front, and they help to balance out a larger figure, particularly if, like me you don't have much volume in your hair.

I've had a really good scour, and pickings are a little slim, no doubt due to the preponderance of berets around this season, so I've had to go to ebay - but these are my best options:


Burgundy angora - £4.49

or


Scarlet fur - bidding starts at £1.49

Secondly, there's 15% off all orders over £50 at Dorothy Perkins until Saturday 14th Feb. Enter the promo code DPVALENTINE. Worth a special look for their insanely flattering 'flutter dress' - recommended a couple of months ago on these pages, and now available in Coral (for darker colouring) and Iris (for paler skins, blondes and especially redheads), as well as the black I mentioned yesterday - £25.

£200 working wardrobe challenge.

The school I teach at is about to introduce a 'business' dress code for sixth formers - and because the students didn't know about it before they signed up, the school is going to give each of them £200 towards their new wardrobes (it is a very small sixth form, but even so...) Anyway, I thought it would be interesting to see how far £200 would go and what I would pick were I starting from scratch.

First of course, are shoes. I've chosen these fabulous mid-heel T-bar shoes from Marks and Spencers. They are only £19.50 - which is a steal - assuming the quality we've all come to expect from M&S. I see the girls tripping around the school in skyscraper heels - but these are low enough to be practical for even the faint-hearted, and the retro styling will look smart and funky at the same time - especially since I'm allowing £50 for a selection of fun tights from Dorothy Perkins (£4 - £8).

So - £70 spent already, and what next? Well how about some tailoring. These girls are young; we don't want to stuff them in a standard suit, but this jacket (£16) from Peacocks has three-quarter length sleeves and cute, Victorian-style puff shoulders. Predictably, while I'm in Peacocks, I'm going to pick up this pencil skirt for £8 - available up to a size 22, too: my girls aren't all slim little things by any means. And that takes us to £94 down, £106 to go.

Next to New Look. Buying on the cheap side might be a false economy in the long term, but these girls might not need their smart clothes after they leave the sixth form, and they can always upgrade to better quality pieces one at a time as they afford it. So two pairs of trousers, adding up to £30, and we'll 'splash out' a whole £20 on this fun pencil skirt with animal print belt.

Lastly, tops. Our opportunity to inject some colour - I like these scoop necked tops (above) from Top Shop at £10 each, so we'll have all three. Finally back to Dotty P's - where £12 will buy you two of their £7 basic tops - so we can have four of them for our remaining £24.

Bit of skirt

Hey Ms Charlotte, I need a skirt. A plainish black one that comes to just below my footballer's knees that I can wear with woolly tights and bike boots, and that doesn't shout at whatever I wear on the top. I've tried a few on, but they had too much volume and make my derriere look even larger than it is. Oh, and I don't really have a waist as such, but I do have longish legs.

I love the look of a skirt with bike boots - very funky: utilitarian but girlie. My first choice will probably come lower than the tops of the boots - but they'll still be visible when you sit and climb stairs, etc - you might even take the chance to inject a flash of colour with some funky tights. This skirt is expensive (£48.90!) - but it's definitely long enough for our girl, as it comes from Long Tall Sally. I use it to illustrate a really flattering shape. Remember how bootcuts balance out weight above the knee with a flare below? This does the same thing - but the close fit to the knee is less bulky than a skirt which is full all the way down. I like the corduroy here, and the jeans-type styling at the waist. Cheaper - and more versatile due to a less 'casual' fabric is this similar skirt from Anna Scholtz at Simply Be (£35).

Also from Simply Be - and at a very reasonable £18 is this pencil skirt. Forget the secretary look in the picture. A pencil skirt with biker boots will look a little bit 'rock chick' - but in a dignified, flattering way. It won't disguise your bum - but it won't add any bulk at all, and the emphasis - especially given the longer 32" length - is on the vertical line, drawing the eye down the leg and not across the bum.

But once again it's Dotty P's who come up trumps with the easiest skirt to wear with biker boots. Unfortunately the plain black is pretty much sold out - but this grey and black striped 'witchy hem' skirt is a good buy at £22. The dippy, irregular hemline will contrast with the no-nonsense biker boots. If you wanted to take that look further you could look for something gauzy or floaty: pretty-hippy chic contrasted with heavy boots - it's a great look.

Party Bargains

Please do me ms charlotte. I need something to cheer me up. An outfit for a couple of christmas events (maybe even christmas day)... something that flatters/hides a large arse, doesn't show off my bingo wings - happy with dresses, skirts and troos, but on a bit of a budget.

One girl's budget is another girl's splurge, of course - but I'm going to try and keep this under £30.

First up is this empire line frock with 'flutter' sleeves by Dorothy Perkins. Empire lines are the best thing for disguising your bum, and I love this purple - although it also comes in black £25 - but 20% off that if you buy online today. M&S have a black dress (above right) with a similar cut, but a more flattering deep V neck, which sells for £29.50.

On the petite lady in question, if not on everyone, this flirty flutter smock by Joe Browns is going to skim over the bum. Team with black bootcuts or capris - it's really pretty, but it may not give the arm coveragre being looked for - we all have different levels of 'eek' about our arms. Regarding other tops, if you don't want to draw attention to your bum, you need to either tuck your top in at the waist, or opt for a tunic which falls to mid thigh. Most tops are designed to end at the widest part of the bum - and if you don't want to draw attention, you need a colour match with your bottom half, or a floaty fabric.

Speaking of bottom halves, skirts are certainly more flattering to bums than trousers. Personally, I'm of the 'got it - flaunt it' school of thought (in which case the gorgeous, high-waisted pencil skirts all over the shops are grand), but my girl wants to disguise hers, and so I suggest a cute, knee length full circle skirt. Collectif's black cherry 321 skirt is £30 but it does come with its own net underskirt. Ebay, however is the better bet. Search 'circle skirt' and you're spoiled for choice. The collectif skirt is designed to sit on the hip - which is fine, with a close-fitting tucked in top. I would probably go for a size smaller so that it could sit on the waist, however (since I'm so short, this won't make it into a mini skirt) and then wear a wide belt to cinch in the waist. The idea is that by drawing attention to the waist, the fullness over the bum in fact just serves to make the waist look smaller. I like a rigid belt - elastic belts have a tendency to curl at the top and bottom edges.

I'd wear this skirt with a long sleeve V neck which fitted quite closely. The one above is from M&Co and is under £7, but this kind of top is everywhere. Keep the top plain; with a flouncy skirt, you don't need a fussy top competing for attention!

The Incredible Shrinking Shopper

Not me, sadly - but I've had a request for tips on shopping when you are mid-weightloss.

My first tip, and I've mentioned them before, is the wrap dress. It's in their nature to fit more flexibly than a tailored garment. They flatter most body shapes if you have boobs bigger than your tummy, and are endlessly versatile, timeless and easy to wear. Had I the money I would invest in a heap of them by the Queen of the Wrap dress, Diane Von Furstenburg: I particularly love these two (above) from her current collection because of their collars - balancing out the weight of the boobs. Her clothes are available up to a UK 18 - but the plain black one is £235 and the print is £306. *Sigh*.

Of course, if you're between sizes you don't want to spend a fortune anyway. Marks and Sparks have this very pretty printed wrap dress for £35 which would be suitable for work or nights out, I think - it even has sleeves! Keep your eyes peeled though: when you see a cheap wrap dress, pounce on it.

The other style of clothing that can be effectively 'cinched' in, to fit a smaller you, is the empire line top or dress which is fitted with ties at the rear. Remember the caveat for empire lines - they do make your boobs look bigger, and for some of us, that's a bridge too far - in which case, look for those which create diagonal lines: V necks, kimono-style crossovers, or empire seaming which meets at a point, rather than a straight horizontal. Because you're going to be pulling in extra fabric as you lose weight, avoid anything too bulky, but also lightweight silks / viscoses where the extra folds at the back will crease and crumple, drawing attention to the fact that you're cheating the fit.

This dress from, what has to be a contender for shop of the season, Dotty P's fits the bill perfectly. It comes in grey, purple and black as well as teal and at £25 it's good value. No sleeves though - so invest in a lightweight cardigan. Buy a smaller size - so long as you can get your arms into it you're fine, just don't try to do it up until you're down to the next size!


Lastly, trousers - and this is much harder. You don't want to wear trousers that are on the small side, as you can with the dresses above to a certain extent. Trousers which are too small have a tendancy to split and lord knows, we don't want that. So to get length of wear from them, you're going to need to keep them after they're too big. The best option, then, is midweight fabric (no cords, no denim), and a high waist which has beltloops. I like these by Rocha.John Rocha at debenhams (£35) for work and weekend wear. These ones are petite, as the lady who inspired this posting is, like me, fairly short. Bear in mind - as you loose weight, your trousers will be longer as they become less troubled by your hips, thighs and bum. If you know you're losing weight and you've a choice between two lengths - both wearable now - go for the shorter ones.

A final word. If you are size 18 and above and changing size, look at ebay for clothes. There's a very healthy trade in larger clothes, and it makes sense not to spend too much if you're not sure how long it's going to fit. Smaller sizes are available too, of course, but there seems to be much more dross to wade through.

Work the glamour.

With the upcoming Christmas season I need some fabulous things to wear for a number of occasions. However, a few of them will have the same people at them so I'm after some separates that I can chop and change. Ideally as I'm utterly skint, these could be things I could wear for work as well.

Please help me in my hour of need!

When categorising clothes as either 'work' or 'play', sometimes there are clear signals - it's a rare workplace where a sequinned corset would be standard daywear - but more often than not it's about adaptation and context. The outfit below is very sexy-secretary with a hint of Katherine Hepburn, but the same top worn with a pair of black bootcut jeans or my favourite: the black velvet wide-leg trousers, becomes - by virtue of its glorious colour and sheer fabric - a show-stopping party top. It's only £16 from Simply Be, available in sizes 14 and up, and is cut long enough for longer-bodied girls. You could even wear it untucked with a belt on top. Apart from the sleeve length, it's an essential buy.

The other trick, for a girl who has a cleavage to be proud of, is to wear something with a flattering deep V neck, but with a vest underneath during the day. I really love this hankyhem tunic from Dotty Perkins (£22) - I've shown it in grey because the photograph is clearer, but you'll almost certainly want it in the black, which is what I've linked to. That triangle at the bottom of the V where the vest will show during the day is the chance to inject some dynamism into your work wardrobe. Imagine a bright turquoise, a jewel-like purple or a festive red. Vests are cheap to pick up from all kinds of place and are a great way to accessorise. Then when worn without the vest you can jazz it up with some funky, chunky beads. As well as the flattering neckline, the draping flow of this top is flattering to tummies and hips. Dress down with jeans or up with black trousers and heels.

The last trick is suitable for a blouse like this purple spotted shirt from Debenhams (£22). The top is sheer, so you'll probably wear a vest underneath it at work - for an evening out, leave it undone and tie it in a knot at the boobs (in the manner of the blue top below). The fullness of the shirt makes the tight fitting vest area look more streamlined, and the knotting draws focus to your boobs.