Strictly Hideous

The dresses in the last two series of 'Strictly Come Dancing' (that's 'Dancing with the Stars' for my international chums) have been becoming increasingly hideous and unflattering - and while you may not be about to go out and buy yourself a Foxtrot Frock, there are some lessons for us all.

This first picture is a horrorshow of design. Firstly Leticia Dean (left). Poor girl doesn't have much of a waist and fairly 'sturdy' legs. So why is this dress bad for her? the ruching creates a series of horizontal lines across her thighs, which, as we all know, makes her look wider. The dark blue is too much of a contrast with her legs - effectively shortening them - although the asymmetrical hem and waterfall sash do work to lengthen, the hem itself should be less solid - perhaps a more sheer fabric, or a fringe which would break over her thighs. The voluminous sleeves do not disguise heavy arms - rather they add bulk to the torso. The poor woman looks almost square. She's got great boobs - and they should have been a feature.

Stephanie Beecham's frock (right) is a little odd. I love those long ostrich feathers but I don't think they work in vertical ranks. A fishtail shaped skirt in the satin fabric and then trimmed horizontally at the hem with the feathers would have looked less like she'd burst her stuffing mid -thigh. Beecham has an amazing body, but like many women of a certain age, probably seeks to cover up her arms, as the skin there can look crepey on even the slender. Tight, tight sleeves, though, make your arms look like sausages about to burst - particularly in a shiny fabric. If you're anxious about the size of your upper arms, by the way - look for cover ups with sleeves that end above the wrist. If you draw attention to the narrowness of your wrists by ending a garment there, it will only make your upper arms look bigger in comparison. 3/4 or elbow length sleeves - preferably loose - are more forgiving, or if you want a full length sleeve, look for a flare at the wrist (bootcuts for your arms!).

I leave it there for today, but I may return to vent more spleen on the subject...